Confidence Creation

How confident are you? For me it takes effort and consistency to build my confidence. Maybe you can relate? Confidence levels vary depending on the immediate events in our lives. Some events build it up and others tear it down. Full of confidence I made a decision that brought me to a bad place - and left me insecure and in need of a boost.

On Top of the World

I jumped off a symbolic cliff and moved overseas, living the dream life. What an accomplishment! Initially it did wonders for my confidence! I saved money, learned a language, and got a job in a new country. I had wind in my sails! After the savings dwindled and the job turned out to be totally toxic, I was feeling a little less zest for life. But instead of taking action, I was paraliyzed with fear. Would I find a job? Why did I make this terrible decision? I had an amazing life in NYC! Why did I take this risk?

The Slow Decline

Each month would go by chipping away at my confidence, deepening the insecurities and depriving me of the happiness I deserved. When you lose yourself under an avalanche of self-doubt, the only person that can find you is you. I needed to dig myself out of this dark place.

I came up with a plan:

  • Step 1: Learn about myself. What are my natural abilities? What am I better at than most people? Why am I valuable? Why are those valuable to a company? Where did I succeed before? What created doubt? How can I protect myself from those?
  • Step 2: Write stuff Down. A great way to learn about yourself is to have uncomfortable conversations with yourself and the best way to do that is by writing it down.
  • Step 3: Make tiny goals. When I figured out what I wanted I had a target to work with. The next question was, how do I get there? I set tiny goals that gave me little hits of dopamine to motivate me enough to keep moving.
  • Step 4: Took My Time. This is not a race, but a marathon. Be consistent and you will make lasting progress.
  • Step 5: Look Back. Why did I lose my groove? What happened? Rinse and Repeat.

Learn About Yourself - Always

I eventually found a new job that lit me up, paid the bills and helped rebuild my confidence. As I wrote and learned more about myself I looked back at successful moments in my life and the not so successful moments. I found the patterns and behaviors that led to each. I described the best version of myself both personally and professionally and oddly by describing that person I realized I was already that person. It doesn’t finish though, the work keeps cycling through as we grow and change, so sharpen your pencils and keep writing.


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